These hormones are making me suicidal... I just had to give my husband my bottle of sleeping pills so that I wouldn't take all of them like the voices are telling me to... I don't know how much more of this I can take... I feel like I'm wasting our time... Haters rejoice... Fuckn rejoice y'all... I'm sick of living like this... I'm sick of being a burden on my husband and our family... I'm sick of the dissapointment and sadness I'm being made to feel... And made to make others feel... Is it really all worth it... I can't stand the uncertainty of all this fucking ttc shit... We spend all this money for what... Nothing... But heart break and dissapointment... Just like I've been for what seems like forever... It's just all rediculous... I how can I bring life into the world if I can't even handle and even appreciate the one I have... I feel like such a waste of time and energy... I have no motivation anymore even to get out of bed most days... How the fuck am I going to raise a child... I'm such a bitch and I'm so mean to people and it's all these fucking hormones I'm on... And even just have naturally... I was such a nice person when I was on resparidone... But it made me gain 90 pounds and it elevated my lactation levels so much that I leeked milk everywhere... I was miserable but at least I was a nice person... Now I'm the type of person I'd like to tell to go fuck themselves... I just want the pain to end and to not be a burdan on my husband anymore...
No one reads this sh!t but whatever
Last time I posted was in 2018… No comments… nothing… Probably because no one reads this shit. Fair enough. Since 2018 a lot has obviously happened. But I feel it would have happened sooner if I’d had doctors who gave a shit outside of paying their boat payments. I had a PTH (parathyroid hormone) test done last week. My PTH is 124.1 This is pretty high. This means I have hyperparathyroidism. I’d told doctors for years to do all thyroid tests… they basically only did “thyroid tests” such as T3 T4 and TSH… the norm. Upon googling why PTH isn’t testing during regular yearly health screenings, Google told me that because Parathyroid “issues” are so “rare” they aren’t cost effective enough to test for. This is a slap in the face to humanity and a mockery of the hypocratic oath. This tells me that basically it’s only “rare” because doctors RARELY test for it. And why? Because hyperparathyroidism causes: Infertility, unexplained miscarriages and even still borns which keeps t...
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