Cynically trying to conceive...

These hormones are making me suicidal... I just had to give my husband my bottle of sleeping pills so that I wouldn't take all of them like the voices are telling me to... I don't know how much more of this I can take... I feel like I'm wasting our time... Haters rejoice... Fuckn rejoice y'all... I'm sick of living like this... I'm sick of being a burden on my husband and our family... I'm sick of the dissapointment and sadness I'm being made to feel... And made to make others feel... Is it really all worth it... I can't stand the uncertainty of all this fucking ttc shit... We spend all this money for what... Nothing... But heart break and dissapointment... Just like I've been for what seems like forever... It's just all rediculous... I how can I bring life into the world if I can't even handle and even appreciate the one I have... I feel like such a waste of time and energy... I have no motivation anymore even to get out of bed most days